Tuesday 5th June - delayed posting

Was supposed to post yesterday tapi terlewat sebab hantar kakak balik Serdang.  Reached home almost 12 midnight, did my Isya' prayer and did the laundry (rajin tengah2 malam buta).  Continuing the post that I started earlier...  

----------------------------------------

Glad to be able to wake up on time for early morning prayers and zikr.  That makes my day and a wonderful day ahead.  Clocked-in at 7.57 am and left office for the day at 7.59 pm.  That completes my working day for today for 12 hours and 2 minutes.  Much shorter than other days which I spent roughly about 13 - 14 hours a day.  Kalau ada award for employees with long hours in the office - aku lah tu!  Tapi sadly tak ada.  Too much work to finish off before I go on leave Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Going up north esok - backtracking the memories. Quorum tak cukup sebab kakak tak ikut - her finals next week.  Not a good time for her to follow.  Adik yang paling look forward nak balik north.  Hilang angau dia!

lights yang nampak dari atas office aku  - glaring because of the glass but I like the colour

Balik rumah, abang, kakak and adik waited for me with ice-cream cake.  Siap nyanyi, siap tiup candle.  Haish! tak pernah la aku buat pun selama ni.  Nampak macam special pulak umur 50 tahun ni.  Thank you - you all are the best.  I couldn't have asked for more.  Love you all loads.

  

On the way hantar kakak, adik tiba2 kata "look, the moon is so beautiful, it's a full moon".  Cakap omputeh bagai!  Dia sambung lagi "kakak, call Irfan suruh dia tengok bulan tu".  We were speechless!  Adik, tak yah la angau sampai tengok bulan ingat kat Irfan.  Kesian juga kat adik, dia selalu jadi bahan - bahan cerita, bahan lawak, bahan gelak untuk aku and kakak.  Sorry, dik.  Thank you for susah payah cari kek tu tadi.  I knew it earlier - saja buat surprise!  

It was a wonderful day - many, many great wishes from the best people around.  Family, siblings, nephews, nieces, my children's friends, my friends.

Wish for wonderful days and year ahead - with Allah's blessings.... 

Another day, another year passes ....

I am 50 today.  Happy birthday to me. 10 years ago, I said goodbye to my thirties.  And today, another goodbye to the forties.  Menitis airmata for this another goodbye.  Masih berpeluang kah aku mengucapkan yang sama in another 10 years?  Masa pantas berlalu - perjalanan aku menuju kepadaNya semakin dekat.  Semakin takut rasanya.  Di terimakah amalan ku selama ini?  Di terimakah  keikhlasan ku selama ini?  Di hitung-kirakah pengorbanan ku selama ini?  Aku hanya berserah ya Allah, Engkau yang lebih mengetahui.  

Pada sisa-sisa kehidupan ini, tiada yang lebih aku ingini selain dari rahmat dan keampunan mu ya Allah.  Berilah aku kekuatan dan tenaga untuk terus menjalankan amal ibadah ku sesempurna yang mungkin.  Kau ampuni lah dosa-dosa ku, dosa kedua ibu-bapa ku, suami ku, anak-anak ku dan seluruh kaum keluargaku.  Lindungilah kami di bawah rahmatMu ya Allah.  Bahagiakan lah anak-anak ku dunia dan akhirat.

Haish!  sedih pulak rasanya.  Tak leh, tak leh...  

Kakak kata - "You are turning 50, you should be already wearing kain batik and baju kedah at home. Tak leh dah pakai what you are wearing now".  Haish! Or maybe I should.  Tak pernah aku ada baju kedah.  Nanti aku minta kat mak.  Dia ada banyak. Namapun orang Kedah.  Tapi... ish, banyak la tapi nya.  Nanti lah aku cuba.  Office wear tak de problem - I have opted for baju kurung dah lama dah.  Aku suka pakai baju kurung - it is so 'comfy'.  Yang bahayanya, bila put on weight tak perasan sebab aku suka baju kurung yang besar2.  

Anak2 dara aku yang sungguh gemar berposing.....

Dua jejaka dalam hidup aku....

Terima kasih ya Allah atas segala nikmat yang telah Engkau berikan selama 50 tahun ini.... Selamat hari lahir kepada diriku yang tersayang....

My Sunday...delayed posting ...

Supposedly posted yesterday.  Tapi last night letih sangat - tak larat.  Takut tak terjaga for my early morning prayers and sahur.  So off to sleep before 12.00.

------------------------------------------

Started Sunday on a wrong foot!  Woke up 4 am, kejut adik, she said, "Ma, 4.30 nanti kejut adik".  I should have woken up and not wait for her.  Takkkk...aku dengan bangga dan lupa dirinya ingat yang aku boleh bangun at 4.30 (sebab selalunya boleh). Sementara dok tunggu 4.30 aku sekali lagi dengan bangga dan lupa dirinya telah tertidur.  Sedag2 terdengag suara adik - "Ma, dah 5.30 dah!".  Sepantas cahayanya aku bangun, tapi sempat lagi ber-debate dengan adik.  Kakak yang tidor between us sempat lagi bersuara - "ye, she kejut you at 4.00 tadi".  Tak sempat tahajjud - aku cuma mandi, berwudhu and solat taubat (kena la taubat - sebab lupa diri tadi).  Then terus subuh.  Still dapat lakukan semua yang menjadi kebiasaan - zikir and baca quran.  Aku selalukan tekankan pada anak-anak - jangan tinggal baca quran sebab baca quran dengan betul, insyaAllah can stimulate your brain cells.  Tapi kenalah istiqamah.  Apapun, alhamdulillah tak lah rasa bad sangat pagi aku ni.  It could have been worst kalau terbangun at 6.30!  Pernah gak macam tu... Rasa tak tenang satu hari suntuk - semua buat rasa tak kena.

banyak kan?  

Lepas the normal routine - aku turun buat laundry (banyaknye... mana mai baju2 ni).  Haish!! rasanya washing machine aku pun dah mengucap berkali2 dah, dia pun letih!  

Jengok peti ais ingat nak buat breakfast, tapi tak jadi sebab nak ajak the girls pi ziarah kubur my aunt.  Aunty aku (eh, actually aunty en. hubby) dah almost 2 years meninggal.  So far, aku and the girls pergi ziarah kubur arwah almost every Sunday, cuma missed it whenever aku tak cukup quorum. We missed it last Sunday though - kakak tak balik, adik pergi OU kot.  So, di pagi Sunday yang sungguh damai (lebih kurang pukul 7.35 am) aku telah mengajak my two bestest companion pergi kubur and then breakfast kat KJ.  En. hubby as usual tak ikut, so kami tapau food for him je.  Nothing new for me...

11.30 aku kena hantar adik and kakak sebab dia orang nak ber-rendevous kat KLCC.  Dia orang tak  ajak aku pun.  Kalau ajak pun, aku tak mau sebab aku kerja kat KLCC - I spent three-quarter of my day everyday at KLCC.  So aku tak la impress or excited kalau orang ajak nak ber-weekend kat sana.  Dah naik bosan, aku cuma tunggu nak pencen je.  Panjang lak citer - for the record - dia orang tak ajak aku pun.  So tak payah nak over2 citer pasal betapa bosannya KLCC.  

Aku ada date dengan mak mertua aku nak pergi Subang Parade.  Dia nak beli present kat aku (dia dah tau dah apa nak beli, cuma nak suruh aku pilih design yang aku nak).  Ha, ha... sayang kan mak mertua aku kat aku?  (Rasanya tak payah perasan kot - she bought for all the girls in the family - aku je yang free dan tak de life so kena ikut dia pi pilih design).  My FIL yang drive kereta - yang paling menyedihkan air-cond kereta dia rosak.  Panas giler dalam kereta.  Dia tak bagi bukak tingkap sebab panas outside katanya.  ??? Weird.   Sampai sana terus beli the things that MIL wanted to buy (silver plated gelang with white gold - aku pilih design untuk diri aku).  Then pi lunch dengan my FIL's brother and his family kat restoran Sari Ratu makan nasi padang.  Aku ni bukan a nasi person  - so anything goes.  Lepas berfamily affair bagai - kami singgah buat light grocery shopping.  Light sepatutnya - tapi aku lupa diri lagi - aku beli 2 packs whiskes untuk Fatso (for the record - kakak has been back 3 days - tapi Fatso tak mandi lagi), 4 kotak full cream milk (1 utk aku, 3 utk abang), 2 refill packs detergent and few other things.  Lepas beli  semua baru aku realized yang aku sorang diri (my two bestest companion tak de).  Haish! tak buleh jadi ni, camna nak bawak.  Terpaksa suruh FIL aku bawak plastik2 tu.  He said something like "banyaknye"!.  Ni salah satu kes lupa diri yang selalu terjadi pada aku.  Kena istighfar banyak2 lagi ni...

7.17 pm - alone at home.  Macam ni la rasanya bila semua anak2 dah tak de nanti.  En. hubby kat golf tak balik lagi.  Dia solat kat luar and nak jumpa some friends lepas tu.  Nothing new... The girls  pulak on the way home bila aku text baru sat.  Bahagia sungguh depa!  Aku?  Tak yah la nak citer - Allah je yang tau hati aku.  Will sambung later - aku nak get ready for maghrib.  

The girls came back.  While waiting for Isyak - we exchanged stories for the day.  Kakak banyak la cakap.  SomeOne senyap je.  Bila aku tanya soalan2 sensitif, oppps...tiba2 dia sedih.  Haish!  budak ni... nak berpisah sat je tu kot!!.  Boyfriend will be away for some golf outing and balik kampung.  Macam la tak jumpa dah.  Bila tengok kesian la pulak - so tak leh la nak berleter.  Adik, now you know how it is like loving and then missing someone.  It is difficult to manage the feelings if you are not strong.  Who says it is easy?  Told you so.  Then again, always remember this, when you love someone and knowing that it is a true love - distance only matters to mind - not to the heart.  Goodbyes will only be painful if you'll never say hello again.  Irfan - this same advice goes to you if you are reading this.  Adik, I want you to be happy - me and kakak will always be here for you for as long as you need us.  So cheer up.  Pergi solat isyak - zikir banyak-banyak and tenangkan hati.  Kesian punya pasal aku and kakak decided to give her a sweet surprise.  It was sweet indeed for her.  Irfan?

Adik, remember this - solat, zikir yang akan memelihara kita dari segala bisikan dan hasutan.  Allah akan memelihara kita sentiasa kalau kita tidak lalai dari mengingatiNya.  You have been the best - stay true to yourself.  Irfan - ingat ni jugak.

I am writing all these on the blog (truly - it is not easy for me - especially so they are my children) for all of them to remember.  I love them all.  Adik selalu kata aku sayang kat Irfan lebih and always sided him.  Dia nak tau kenapa.  Adik, you know why.  Tak yah tanya.   Kakak pun rasa sama sebab all these years aku selalu sided Amir and sayang kat Amir lebih.   You all tak payah tahu pun sebenarnya.  Apapun, for the record, this is a last Sunday I am in my forties..... Tuesday, 5th June 2012, insyaAllah, kalau masih diberi peluang oleh Allah,  I will be 50.  Nanti aku fikirkan apa aku nak tulis untuk diri aku sendiri.... 

Itulah Sunday ku, bukan setakat penat badan - minda lagi keletihan.

Choosing to be happy ....

 Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.

- Anne Frank

When one door of happiness closes, another opens,

but often we look so long at the closed door

that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

- Helen Keller

Angry and happy don't mix.

Flush out the angry, and the happy has a place to put down roots.

- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Tiring Friday.....

It was definitely long tiring day yesterday.  Office tutup so had planned to do some household and personal errands.  Tapi anak dara aku dah plan few things that took most of my time.  Breakfast kat Ara D'sara (office en. hubby) sebab dia nak drop some documents off.  Then off to Celcom TTDI konon2 nak tukar my number from digi to celcom.  Isi borang semua tapi tak sempat buat sebab kena rush back to DD (time constraint - kereta aku buat hal tak leh start lagi minggu ni - minggu lepas problem yang sama).  Time was already almost one pm.  Tukar battery kereta, drove adik gi tuition.  Oh, tak, dia yang drive - dia kata aku drive slow.  Haish! budak ni, aku dah lebih 30 tahun ada lesen memandu k.  Bukan slow, aku ni pemandu berhemah.  Then off to Serdang fetch anak pompuan aku sorang lagi.   Ambil kakak, stop by university's library and drove back to Celcom centre.  Pun tak sempat juga sebab dah almost 4-ish.  Adik habih tuition 4.30 pm.  Picked her up then balik DJ untuk solat asar. Haish!!! letih giler dah masa tu.  Lepas solat off to d.range sebab dah janji dengan adik.  Met Irfan's most important person in his life (suspen, suspen.... his mum of course).  Mula2 memang rasa takut gak nak jumpa Datin, tapi bila dah jumpa - she's a wonderful person to have a conversation with.  Agaknya pasai kami sama-sama Kedah kot.  Sembang-sembang sampai maghrib when we left.  Adik, sakit perut lagi??? Oh, jumpa anak dia, you siap ada butterflies in the tummy, jumpa mak dia, apa rasa?  Sila jawab...

Adik masa nak pergi breakfast .... dia suruh ambil gambar.. aku tau pasai apa...

masa dia nak pergi tuition - baru keluar rumah.....

After isyak we (adik again) drove to B.Kinrara for dinner with my sis and her hubby.  Lama tak jumpa dia.  Sebok minah tu.  Adik and kakak were the hungry wolves (kakak's term when we so enjoy makan - very eat-ish).   Aku makan pun tak habis  - pasai letih kot.  We makan2, sembang2, gelak2, gossip2 till almost 12 midnight.  Adik dah lalok! So aku yang kena drive balik.  Kakak as usual - "oh, i cannot drive at night - mata nak nampak"  Haish! tu alasan yang selalu kakak bagi bila malas.   Sampai rumah dah 12.36 midnight.  Adik dah tido, aku and kakak masih gelak2 tengok some movie yang kami tak fahampun.  Ok, gak - kakak cakap banyak dan selalu buat lawak bodoh.  Dia penghibur aku la kiranya.  Almost 2-ish kami pun tido.  Haish! aku cuma ada 2 hours to sleep.  Selalunya weekend aku memang  penuh walaupun anak yang tinggai cuma dua ekog ni ja.  They are always so full of activities - tengok TV saja pun activity gak - pasai depa non-stop talking especially kakak.  Adik selalu jadi mangsa sebab aku and kakak are faster in thinking.... Bak kata kakak, now that she always has butterflies in her tummy which flies so aggrasively .... lagi seronok la kutuk dia.  Sorry la, adik - No worries, you will always be our "sunshine"!  Without you our life is "gloomy".  Ha, ha...gitulah kehidupan aku dan these girls.  When we do girls things, gossip girls stuff, it was all fun.    

4.00 am aku bangun kejut adik - solat, zikir and mengaji till subuh.  Adik in her room - 5.00 am dia kena buat another wake-up call....  Dah jadi routine kot!  Lepas subuh, bermula another new day .....


Apapun, syukur alhamdulillah -  kami masih diberi peluang bernafas di bumi Allah.  Mudah-mudahan ditetapkan hati dan kaki ini agar sentiasa di jalanMu ya Allah.






  

Aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidur mu.....

To the lovebirds .....

Game of Life ....destiny untold....

Life is a game. It is a destiny untold. You win, you lose depending on how you steer, manage and maintain arah tuju hidup.  That's the game plan.  It can be in anything - studies, work, friendship, relationship.  When you are winning and walking away with desired results - always remembers challenges will still await at any corners, any time.  The danger is that, it would down you when you least expected.  When you know you are losing - the inner strength is much, much needed.  You can win even when you feel you are losing.  Yang penting remain focussed in what you are supposed to do.  Kalau tengah belajar, fokus - tumpuan tak leh lari.  Aku selalu kata kat anak-anak, belajar dulu, kejar cita-cita, be what you want to be, where you want to be, ikut kemampuan diri.  Maksud aku tu, elak la dari bermain dengan perasaan.  Takut disappointed half way and that affects your emotions.  Tapi hakikatnya soal hati tak boleh dipaksa.  When cupid come at a very challenging period, this is where the inner strength is much, much needed.  As a mother aku kena selalu ingatkan anak-anak, tak de niat nak busy-body pun.  Failures and disappointments might not go well with them if they are not prepared, if they are not strong and when that happens, I do not want to look back and regret that I had not done or said anything.  That's the reason why I am at every corner of their life.  Letih - but I have to be there for them.  I told en. hubby when he mentioned about me 'encouraging' adik -  I had spoken and reminded adik many, many times.  She has been a good daughter - I have no regrets.  All these years, dia lah anak yang akan bangun malam bertahajjud bersama, mengaji, belajar sehingga masuk subuh.  She wanted to feel loved, not by me or the father alone.  I know that such time will come, just that it came much earlier.  Ready or not, we have to manage it the right way.  Se-ikhlasnya aku izinkan because I know she knows all the boundaries, she is a responsible girl.  She must take this as a challenge and work doubly hard and eventually emerge a winner, insyaAllah.  Kakak ok, she's going into final year at her uni.  I am always proud of her.  Abang tak yah cerita, dia dah kerja.  Responsible enough in all his actions.  

This life game is very tricky.  You may fall into the tricks and traps anytime.  Hanya kekuatan zahir dan batin yang dapat membantu.  Iman, hati semua kena kuat.  Kita akan sampai ke penghujung - that's the penalty shoot-out of life.   The right game plan determines the result. Ok, that is when and where focus, strength and sacrifices are needed.  Ready for it?

Ni ceramah free yang tak bertauliah.  Adik and kakak dah selalu dengar ceramah macam gini.  Asal masuk kereta nak drive ke mana-mana aku ceramah, asal ceramah kami masuk kereta la tu!  Bila tanya, "faham?".  Angguk je dia orang ni.  Agaknya dah letih kot.  Hello!! ceramah ni tak perlu bayar ok.  Free sokmo.  I always say - "kalau mummy dah tak de, you all sure rindu dengar ceramah-ceramah macam gini".  So aku letak dalam blog supaya tetap menjadi ingatan anak-anak (kalau blog ni still exists lepas aku dah tak de nanti).    

Adik akan kata - "mummy, why are you in the mood of updating your blog, almost every day pulak tu?".  I said "you know why".  Tak de jawapan pun sebenarnya - saja mood tu datang tiba-tiba.  

Apapun, tak kisah la update or not - I love you all....  Good night and sweet dreams - I know someOne will.