Wednesday, December 23, 2009

What is life?

Life is...
Accepting it, it's a gift
Daring it, it's an adventure
Unfolding it, it's a mystery
Playing it, it's a game
Facing it, it's a stuggle
Praising it, it's a beauty
Solving it, it's a puzzle
Seizing it, it's an opportunity
Singing it, it's a song
Achieving it, it's a goal
Fulfilling it, it's a mission

Today....


Today, 23rd December 2009 - been married for 23 years, alhamdulillah. Will always be together, insyaAllah. True love is accepting each other for the good and the bad, the highs and the lows, the perfect and the imperfect. Happy 23rd anniversary, love. You are the best gift.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Up north, where I once belong.....









Trip down memory lane... once again. Drove down to Alor Star over the weekend of 12/13 December 2009 together with kakak and adik. The things that we wanted to do, yes, we managed to, almost. Visits to Rumah Kelahiran Mahathir, Rumah Merdeka, Muzium DiRaja, Masjid Zahir, et al. Pictures of the places we visited, I'll just let the girls upload in their respective blogs.

And the significance of all pictures here .....???? Alor Star train station - I was holding back tears, walking through, looking at all corners of the almost 'deserted' station. The memories of yesteryears, memories of arwah ayah to be exact. This station somehow reminded me so much of him. This was where he would take us when we were kids (me and my eldest sis) to take the train to Butterworth. As kids those trips were much awaited. And many years later he would take the train to visit me and my sister in KL, before he decided to take the bus, instead. Much easier and faster, he used to say. Not much activities at this station anymore. I was being emotional, yes. But I love doing it, I still wanted to be a part of what I used to be. I do not want those memories to go away.



The above?? This was where arwah ayah used to frequent those days. The food still tasted the same. Enjoying our meal of pasembor, mee rebus, mee goreng... my mind drifted off to the old days. I miss him, yes.


Visiting few other places, and became emotional over and over again, I decided to have one last look at the house where I grew up. Mak has left for KL with Sharos. Yes, the house looked so deserted. It was a picture of loneliness....
Alfatihah for arwah ayah.... May Allah bless his soul.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Yesterday, today, tomorrow....


What had I been doing yesterday, will be doing today, tomorrow.... so on. We'll just talk about the normal routine, ya. Talking and rambling about life as a whole will be a damn long and winded experience. Maybe I'll do it one fine day. Yesterday, I was at work, work, work and work. Sounded so routine... Wish I had a choice here! Left KLCC at about 6.30 pm. KL traffic as usual was very unpredictable. Reached MIL's house almost 8.00 pm. After Maghrib & Isha' prayers we left to go back to DD. But, opps... we stopped by Kayu Restaurant in KD to have teh tarik with SIL (Rini) and family. Good outing... My SIL is another person I loved to have conversation with. You can have a very open, honest, intelligent conversation with her. She's very practical about life. It has always been easy to communicate with her. For ine, she's not judgmental. There's always a two-way conversation. And more importantly, you can trust her. Oppss... she's a lawyer! Left for DD immediately after (reached home at about 11.15 pm). Had a quick hot shower, did a little bit of house chores, had some unimportant chit-chatting with the girls, watched TV, browsing through FB, reading SMSes from other half, then off to sleep. Huhh... long list of do's...!

This morning, as usual, after Fajr prayer, left for DJ (MIL's place). All my office clothings are there (don't ask why). After getting dressed, left for work. Morning traffic as usual - chaotic! Whoever works around this part of KL definitely will agree. The girls stayed back at DD, waiting for SIL to pick them up (with her Mini Cooper!) to spend the day at her house in Pinggiran Rahman Putra. And I will have to be there tonite to fetch them. Another round-the-world trip tonite!

Tomorrow.... the plan is to drive down early morning to Alor Star. Going down memory lane, I will be nostalgic again, definitely. Inessa will have to go to KM Kuala Nerang on Sunday. So best is to drive down on Saturday, stay for one night. Had not make any hotel reservation and I can't think of any where to stay. We also plan to go back to visit Rumah Kelahiran Mahathir, which we were not able to go in during the last trip. Sounded pathetic? Bet, it is... That is the plan, though and few others. Hope everything work as planned.

My wish ;
Where there is pain, i wish for peace and mercy
Where there is self-doubting, I wish for a renewed confidence to work through them
Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion, I wish for understanding, patience, and renewed strength
Where there is fear, I wish for love, courage

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Today...


Wednesday, 9th Dec, early this morning other half left for his outstation trip. Woke up as early as 5 am to help with the packing (well, last minute packing had always been my speciality!) and woke up the girls for Fajr prayer before we all left to send him to the airport. Driving back from airport was not that great. Eventhough I loved mornings, especially when the sun rises, but this morning was an exception. One, I was damn sleepy. Very, very sleepy until I had to stop somewhere along the highway to have a short nap. Short??? Nope... it was not short, ok. It was more than 15 minutes! Worth it?? Maybe... Two, hmmm... I was being emotional. I missed him already. It was really not easy to describe the feelings. Well, life goes on. Can't afford to be too emotional anymore. After all, he'd be gone for only couple of days. There's also too many other things in life to deal with. More importantly, got to get home soonest because I need to get dressed to go to work. Work? Hmm... another traumatic thought! Seriously, I wish I can just go home, mind free from all kind stress. Then again, not sure whether not working will keep me away from stress. Different kind of stress, maybe. Anyway, got home at 8 am, did Dhuha prayer, got dressed and left for work. Reached office at 9.26 am (office starts at 8 am, ok!)

Work goes on as usual, breezing through the day. Spoke to my dear sister, Sharos couple of times today. We spoke on a lot of things. She just got back from Alor Star yesterday with my mom. It was always nice and comforting to be able to talk to her, sharing whatever fear, or stress or pain or happiness. That's the miracle of sisterhood - that dwells in the heart. You will know the special gift it always brings and you realize that this is God's special gift. Thanks, sis. May you be blessed with happiness always....

Thought of leaving the office early today. The big boss is away on overseas trip. My only chance to see daylight! The girls are at my sis-in-law's house in Rahman Putra. Will have to fetch them later. Tired? Bet I will.

How I wish for a simpler life!

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away...."

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Happiness

Happiness....

Found this article which I had compiled and kept couple of years back. It's on our journey to happiness, the life's journey. The past, the present, the future, the rules of life, the personal standards - lighting up, having fun and enjoying life in pursuit of happiness. Let's just share and see if it does in any way leaves an impact on what we are searching for....

***********************************

Life's Journey

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation, or when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when???

Life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this and decide to be happy anyway. Quote from Alfred D Souza - "For a long time, it had seemed that life was about to begin - real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or debts to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective helped to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time ... and remember that time waits for no one.

So .... stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall,until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until you die or until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Thought for the day :
Work like you don't need money
Love like you've never been hurt
And dance like no one's watching

************************************
"O' Allah, grant us health and well-being always, in this world and in the Hereafter."

"O' Allah, we ask you with the best of what your Messenger Muhammad asked, and we seek refuge in You from the worst of that which your Messenger Muhammad sought refuge from."

"O' allah, we seek refuge in You from anxiety and grief; we seek refuge in You from incapability and laziness; we seek refuge in You from incapability and laziness; we seek refuge in You from miserliness and cowardliness; we seek refuge in You from the burden of debt and from the subjugation of man."

Ameen...

Monday, December 7, 2009

Bad attitude ... flush it & move on...




Sharing this interesting articles. It applies to me, though... arghhhhh!!

Ever Feel Like Your Elevator Is Stuck Between Floors?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
by Richard Vegas


What do you do when you make a big mistake? When you fail? When you suffer defeat? When everything just goes wrong? When serious misunderstandings develop with others? When it appears like there is no way out? When solutions to your problems just seem impossible?

A Familiar Location; The Bottomless Pit!

What do you do; do you do nothing and allow the circumstances to push you around? Do you blow your stack? Do you bite the hand that feeds you? Do you become fearful and run away? Do you get your knickers all in a twist? Do you ever feel like your elevator is just stuck between floors?

Or, do you grab the bull by the horns and flatten him like a pancake? Do you turn bad circumstances into advantages just for the sheer joy of it? Do you look at every problem with faith and optimism knowing that positive results can and will be found?

Time To Grind It Out!

Well, I tell you this; if you are the kind of person that always looks for that kind of satisfaction, then you are busier than a one legged man in a bu** kicking contest. But, you knew that quite well.:>)

Here's the reason; that kind of satisfaction only comes from a "seize the bull by the horns attitude." And, that kind of mental attitude doesn't come just from lying around like a fat dog out in the sunshine. An attitude that brings satisfaction is a day by day process to renew the mind to accept and believe that you are a winner. Ah. . . not a wiener.

I'm going to tell you how your attitude is developed and how to change it; because only your attitude will stick your elevator between floors. Attitudes, whether positive or negative, are developed through self suggestion, and auto suggestion. We talk to ourselves and this forms the attitudes that we embrace.

These attitudes can be very stubborn about changing, whether positive or negative. Attitudes are almost like personalities that think they have rights and eternal privileges. And the moment you go trying to deprive them, you will start an enormous inner conflict that can create emotions you didn't even know you had.

Better Eat Those Words!

Of course, I'm just making analogies but you get the point. Attitudes can only be formed, fed, and nurtured by suggestions in our minds and words that come out of our mouth. So many times we have damaging thoughts that become suggestions and, then recite damaging words, and at the moment, we don't even realize the damage being done.

That's because the damage is done subtly and very gradually with very little observation on our part. If we were fully aware of the long term affects of what was happening, we obviously, would not give free rein to such a tantalizing bottomless pit.

If someone, such as me, should bring up the idea to you that maybe you should be cautious about the words you're saying and thoughts your thinking, most people would look at me like a toad frog batting his eyeballs in a hail storm. I've done it before and it happens too frequently.

Dumber Than Homemade Dirt!

These people have the hardest time understanding how something as simple as words and suggestions could determine their destiny; because they think in terms of results and circumstances. They think in terms of where they are right now and for the life of them they can't understand how changing an attitude could get their elevator moving again.

Remember this. It was your attitude that stuck your elevator and it will be your attitude that gets it moving again. But, a stuck elevator attitude will not help our circumstances to change and, it will not allow us to see the real reason why our elevator is stuck. All we will do is duck the question.

A stuck elevator attitude will resist feeble attempts to change; because it has too. It has been programmed with it's beliefs and conclusions through many years of suggestions and words, of the wrong kind, and it's not going to let some one time half hearted effort undo all the crud it holds to be true. It'll just make you think you never were the sharpest tool in the shed anyway.

Last But Not Least!

Our attitudes are us. But, they can be changed. In fact, in some instances that we find ourselves in, they are the only thing we can change. And, we always have the power to choose the attitude we will exhibit, but not always easy.

To display an attitude, that is not part of our everyday lifestyle causes a certain amount of discomfort. It's strange, it doesn't feel right, and that's where the resistance comes from. It is much easier to go with the flow and continue paddling down the same ole dirty creek of familiar areas.

But, there comes a time when that stuck elevator attitude is recognized for what it is and we decide to change it. Now comes the fun. No big secret here. We can fix our attitude with the same tools that we fouled the thing up: Suggestions and words. I have proven through many coaching sessions with students that any person can dramatically change any attitude in 30 days with some simple techniques.

I don't care how ingrained or how long the beliefs have been whatever they are. You can change them with 30 days of determination and willingness. If you are willing and faithful, you will succeed. Here is your exercise.

You can do this mentally or audibly; I do both. Remember, words and suggestions that we make to ourselves, is what forms our attitudes. Say this audibly when you can and mentally if you can't. I Feel Healthy, I Feel Wealthy, I Feel Terrific!

Put emphasis on each of the key words in the phrases. Do this for 30 days and you will notice a remarkable change in your happiness, your joy, and peace of mind.

Stronger Than A Garlic Milkshake!

If you're doing this mentally, close your eyes and see each of the words entering your mind and flowing down through your body. The amazing thing about this, if you're doing it the way I suggest, you will feel electricity going through your body when you get to the word "Terrific"!

Here's what is happening. Your subconscious is being reprogrammed and attitudes are being changed. Believe me; our minds have an unquenchable thirst and hunger for that word "Terrific" If you have never told yourself, on a regular basis, that you are terrific you are missing one of the most amazing transformations that can take place inside your mind.

Stick To It Like Glue!

Caution: Don't do this ten times and then expect to come busting out of a phone booth with a superman cape on. If you expect that you're just going to be spitting in the wind.

You have spent years feeding your attitude with crud and just saying this ten times and stopping is not going to reverse your polarity. But, with determination and willingness, you will completely change your can't do attitude in thirty days. And then, the new attitude will become a lifestyle.

Richard Vegas ©
Someday....

Someday... when the kids are grown, life will be different. Memo pad on the refrigerator will no longer read, "pediatrician appointments", "parent-teacher meetings", "tuition", and life full of all sorts of kids' activities.

Someday... when the kids are grown, the house will be free of graffiti. No longer crayoned/pencilled sketches on the walls, furnitures.

Someday... when the kids are grown, we'll get through a whole chapter of an engrossing book without being interrupted with kids' screams, cries & yells for attention.

Someday... when the kids are grown, we'll no longer find unnecessary food leftovers, unnecessary household stuffs in all unnecessary places in the house.

Someday... when the kids are grown, we'll be able to stroll freely down aisle of shopping malls without fear of inadvertently passing the candy or toy sections.

Someday... when the kids are grown, we'll be able to prepare meal without having to worry what kids can or cannot take.

Someday... when the kids are grown, we'll be able to enjoy bath in a hot, steamy water and billows of bubbles for a whole hour without having to worry over scuffles, fights over toys, TV channels and those small voices yelling for "mommy"....

Yes, someday... when the kids are grown, life will be different. They'll leave our nest, and the house will be
quiet...
and calm....
and empty....
and lonely.
And we will definitely won't like that at all!


And we will spend our time, not looking forward to SOMEDAY, but looking back at YESTERDAY.


*****************************
"Once upon a memory...
Someone wiped away your tears...
Held you close and loved you ...
- mummy and daddy -"

Thursday, December 3, 2009

A Friend ....



A Friend........



A - Accepts you as you are

B -  Believes in 'you'

C - Calls you just to say 'hi'

D -Doesn't give up on you

E - Envisions the whole of you (even the unfinished parts)

F - Forgives your mistakes

G - Gives unconditionally

H - Helps you

I - Invites you over

J  - Just 'be' with you

K - Keeps you close at heart

L - Loves you for who you are

M - Makes a difference in your life

N - Never judge

O - Offer support

P -  Picks you up

Q - Quiets your fears

R  - Raises your spirits

S  - Says nice things about you

T  - Tells you the truth when you need to hear it

U  - Understands you

V  - Values you

W - Walks beside you

X  - X-plain things you don't understand

Y  - Yells when you won't listen, and

Z -  Zaps you back into reality




Trip Down Memory Lane.....




Raya Haji Holidays-as mentioned earlier I followed en. hubby to Kedah together with Inessa and Marissa. We left on Friday (after settle solat raya/salam-salam/makan-makan). Sampai Bandar Darulaman dah almost pukul 5 lebih. Traffic was not at all smooth and some parts hujan. Had late lunch/early dinner at Bandar Darulaman (en. hubby's friend's house). The makanan was nice, nasi/kari/ulam2/sambal belacan and some daging goreng kunyit. Thanks to Abg Rahman and wife, Nik for hosting us. About maghrib we checked-in at one of the chalet dekat Darulaman Golf and Country Club. Chalet tu namanya Ixora 3. Ok la - 2 rooms with all facilities minus internet access, overlooking the swimming pool (not that we swim lah). And the chalet mahal juga - it's RM250 a night. Malam we (minus en hubby - sebab dia keluar with friends) had dinner at the club house. Boleh tahan harga makanan kat situ. Club house la kata kan.... Balik tengok TV. TV channel pun cuma ada TV1, 2, 3, 7, 8 dan 9. Namapun raya korban, apa lagi program yang ada selain drama2 melayu yang berkonsepkan korban! macam2 la dikorbankan, korban cinta, korban nyawa. Ish, ish, betul ke tidak konsep korban tu tak tau la. Anyway, tengok la juga, no choice.







Next day, had late breakfast/early lunch at one kedai makan at Shahab Perdana. Gerai nasi campur (masak kampung), sedap and murah lagi. Four of us makan nasi with all the lauk was only RM14 and drinks was about RM5. Ok la daripada spend so much for food at the club house. En. hubby ada golf in the afternoon and we took the opportunity to drive out to town, ingat nak melawat Rumah Kelahiran Mahathir. Mind you, I am pure Kedahan, tak pernah pun pi rumah Mahathir ni. Maha Klinik tu dok pi la sebab kecik2 dulu kalau sakit, itu la klinik yang we all dok pi. Ada lagi sebab2 lain yang lebih nostalgic why we were always there. Never mind, nak tulis kat sini nanti jadi berjela pula. Unfortunately it's a public holiday and the rumah is closed. We took pictures from the outside sahaja. Panjat tembok and took pictures, ha, ha. Told Inessa/Marissa, we'll make another trip soon (had plans already in mind). Hopefully the plan will materialize.












After Rumah Mahathir we went to BTM (kedai baju kurung yang we always frequented when balik Kedah). Tak la beli baju kurung, cuma the girls beli some tudung and brooch. And off we balik to my mom's house in Sg. Korok. Before that singgah kubur arwah ayah - alfatihah. I missed him and I always do. Balik rumah mak, macam biasa. Nothing much to do, makan2, sembang2 with my sisters (cuma ada 2 of them there, Sharos and Ina) and mak. And I had fun time mengusik Nafiz and Pe'ah. Syok dapat usik budak-budak kecik ni. I had always missed my kampung (walau dah tak semeriah dulu). To be in the house where I grew up, the places I used to play. A lot of things I wanted to do, explore and bringing back all those childhood memories. Dulu-dulu I used to go to sawah padi (bendang orang Kedah panggil) pagi-pagi with my sister, Haiza. Berjalan atas 'batas baan' sambil nyanyi2 lagu2 BDB, lagu2 J Mizan, lagu2 Razis Ismail (those were the days!) . We were involved, tak tau la directly ke indirectly ke with all these bendang activities, daripada membajak, menyemai, menuai and all. As children we had fun getting ourselves involved, indirectly I supposed. Kalau orang-orang tua sekarang akan marah kata kita menyibuk. Tapi dulu tak pula kena marah. Dapat naik kerbau bajak lagi. Best tu. Kids now dah tak ada those kind of fun. I had fair share of those sweet and bitter memories of growing up. The kampung now dah banyak berubah. Nothing much dah sekeliling rumah. Rumah Tok Wan dah lama dirobohkan. Kawasan sekeliling dah jadi macam hutan pula. But no matter what, sometimes I do feel this is where my heart belongs.... maybe because I hold on to the past memories... maybe. But I missed arwah ayah, seeing him around the house, going out riding his motorbike, and busy himself when all the cucu balik kampung. I can still see the satisfaction and the happiness on his face doing things for all his cucu. Those are all the memories which will forever etched on my mind. Now mak, seeing how she aged after arwah left, sometimes makes us worry, scared - scared of losing her actually. Tapi itu semua ketentuan Allah. Kita hanya merancang, Allah yang menentukan But seeing mak - she is always happy bila dapat balik kampung - to the house which she shared closed to 50 years with arwah. It's her place, her friends, her surroundings. Nothing and no one can change that. Thanks to Sharos who always make time to bring mak home during school holidays. Susah for her to drive all the way from KL with her two children (one still a baby), tapi she still does that, her sacrifice for mak. Oppss, thanks to Ina for taking care of mak in KL and also to Imi (these are all mak's babies - she loved them to bits!). It's always good to see mak happy and contented with her familiar surroundings. Wishful thinking - we can keep the house for as long as we can. We pray for mak's happiness and good health, for whatever time is left. Mak, semoga Allah sentiasa beri mak kesihatan yang baik dan sentiasa di bawah rahmatNya.







Was there until almost maghrib. Had to leave coz en. hubby dah habis golf. Driving back, passing some sawah padi along the highway, made few stops for Marissa to snap some pictures, pictures of sawah padi, pictures of pokok kelapa (ni kes duduk KL all their life, tak pernah tengok sawah padi and pokok kelapa) and also the sunset. For me, I have always loved seeing and witnessing sunset and sunrise. That nice and soothing feelings.... hmmm, I am getting nostalgic again.












Malam, had maggi mee for dinner (all three of us). En. hubby keluar dinner with friends again. We just kirim food for later. As usual, tengok drama, again some malay drama berkonsepkan 'korban'. No choice, tengok la juga. Other half came back with french fries and spaghetti. Makan again, before retiring to bed.


After checking out on Sunday, we left for lunch in Alor Star, kedai ikan bakar opposite Maktab Mahmud. Food was quite ok. Before leaving Alor Star, we stopped at KSAH sebab budak2 pompuan ni nak bergambar & berposing sakan (maybe sebab all boys' school kot!). Girls being girls.... Dulu I was schooling in Sultanah Asma - maybe next time I will take them there (ni all girls' school, see if they want to bergambar there!) And after that we were off to KL. The driving back was bad. Traffic was not smooth at all. Dari Juru, then Kuala Kangsar, then Ipoh all the way jam and also hujan in some parts. Other half drove all the way. Nak tidor rasa guilty pula. Offered myself to drive dia tak bagi. We finally sampai Damansara Damai at 9.30 pm, singgah solat kat masjid DD.
Walau not much activities, and the 'not so smooth' traffic, the trip was an enjoyable and interesting one. We had fun, nonetheless. It was nice to be able to spend time together, even when doing nothing. The spending time together was great, alhamdulillah......


"To the world you might just be one person, but to one person you might just be the world"