The heart says ....

A good weekend spent, though it was tiring.  Had not been able to do this for quite some time already.  Too tired, too lazy.  Fought and wrestled with these feelings.  I won, alhamdulillah! And early Saturday morning, after fajr prayers told adik I wanted to go for brisk-walking.  I had to do it. It's been a while since I last did it.  Had not been feeling well these days.  So off we went.  A two point two kilometer walk.  That should be fine for a start.  It's two rounds around the whole condo area.  Adik jogged but I did simple exercises and brisk-walked.  Enough for me.   And we promised to do another few rounds on Sunday.  Yes, Sunday came and we kept our promises.  And it improved!  We did five rounds, and its five point five kilometers.  It felt so good... Hope it didn't stop at last weekend.  I needed that....badly.

My weekends had so far been so predictable - very much.  Predictable with activities arranged by others.  Words and requests were always an order.  It became a must.   Attending invitations, joining for breakfasts, lunches, dinners, visiting, etc, etc.  Can't even plan anything, it would definitely be spoiled.  Maybe because I was always there, each and every time whenever needed - I hardly say 'no'.  So 'no' cannot be my answer.  I know these are part of a 'family thing' but after a full five days at work, starting as early as 7.30 am and finishes as late as 8.30 pm, all I wanted is a weekend free from commitments,  doing things I love or doing nothing without feeling guilty, without having to find some lame excuses, without constructing unnecessary lies.  Plans after plans made had to be forgotten and put aside.  For someone who all this life had been saying 'yes', a 'no' do affect me.  Seriously, that was what I felt.  I can't help feeling guilty and uneasy.  For so many years, this 'yes' thing went on and on, ignoring what my actual inner-self had always been wanting to do.  Yes, you may ask - can't I find time?  My answer is - no, I can't.  By the time I reached home from work, body and mind dead-tired.  That much I can sum up my feelings.  The voices of my heart keeps screaming - come on, do something, wake up.  I heard it loud and clear.  But these voices died down and all failed.  With this tired body and mind, I succumbed to a very non-productive life.  Each day I woke up feeling scared and disappointed, to the extent of feeling sick.    Mental and physical were fighting with each other.  One wanted to do so much, the other one doesn't even have the energy ..  Seems that synchronization doesn't work anymore! Yes, no one to be blamed except me.  I ignored the voices of my heart.  When I talked to Allah each and every morning, I cried.  He heard me, yes.  And I believed Him.  He gave me those voices which I should hear.   Nonetheless, I am not complaining, Allah had given me the best.  All the above is just part of letting go.  It's all too cramped in my chest.  Painful at times.  It's not doing me any good.

And I am at a crossroad - please Allah help me make the choice, a right one.  I just want a simple life, getting old with less 'headache' or no headache at all!  InsyaAllah....

And someone looked sad this morning.  Hope she feels better now.  Just not the right time to get distracted.  Just be the support and strength, be an inspiration to each other through thick and thin, all'll be fine.  Do not lose focus.  Strive for all the dreams and goals.  And always remember the good times.... the happy times ....

Birthday treats and gifts .....

October second two thousand and twelve - I took leave from work to celebrate with adik and she was off school as well.  Just the two of us.  Kakak was at school, abang at work and daddy was travelling.  Still it was a perfect outing for us.  We started the day with a very light breakfast.  Gave her so many options for us to spend time and celebrate.  As usual, she could never make up her mind.  My last suggestion - Sunway Pyramid.  Told her to agree failing which I'll just take her to Giant KD or KJ instead.  Ouchhh... that surely was not a birthday treat!  Because our weekends were normally spent in Giant Hypermart for grocery shoppings.  Birthdays must be special I supposed.  So Giant cannot be one of the option.  So we were off to SP.  Lunch at Ole Ole Bali.  Wahh... we ordered like we had been without food for a week!  We ordered cumi-cumi goreng (it's fried squids), nasi campur, fish and chips, es campur and wherever I went - my hot latte.  That was so much... Ended up not finishing all our food except for the drinks.  Somebody's going to get hungry later so we had the unfinished food packed.  

It was a perfect, exciting and interesting outing.  It should be a perfect birthday celebration for her - birthday lunch, a blouse at Cache-Cache and a watch. Opps... and a few slices of Secret Recipe cake.  We were off to BK to meet my sis and share with her the cakes.  Kakak was also there.  And another simple celebration.  It was not so much a celebration - it was just talking, laughing,  and of course eating the cakes and our unfinished packed food from OOB.  Not to forget - more gifts - two pieces of clothing done via online shopping.  All for this special person....  And may she be blessed with finest things in life .... with hugs and love that'll last a lifetime.

 It was time well and worth spent.  Enough to make this special person happy.  Though she misses someone badly.

Second October ....

Happy 17th birthday to my dearest darling Marissa Yasmine.  Born  2nd October 1995 at Pantai Medical Centre, Kuala Lumpur.  She must know how much she meant to me.  She brought the happiness into our life.  I could not have asked for more.  Often I asked myself - where's my little girl?  Why does time flies so fast that this little girl of mine has grown up?  

MY, these years that so quickly fly will take you where your dreams are.  Follow your heart - reach out for your dreams and goals.  You will always be my source of pride and joy, no matter where this life takes you.  

May Allah's guidance and blessings be with you always.... 

With all my love... take care my dear.  Remember, dreams and miracles do come true.  Be strong, remember the promises....

Engagement - Ashraf and Hana

Ashraf, who has always been the apple of his mom's eyes found Hana, the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  Managed to persuade his mom and dad to meet the girl's parents for their approval and blessings.  There we were in Taman Sri Andalas, Klang on 30th September 2012 at 10.00 am.  A special date for this lovebirds - their first step into opening a new chapter of their life together.  Familes of both sides gathered in BJ and convoy-ed to Klang.  It was a simple non-criss-cut event.  Straight to the point.  Again the simplicity stamped the best memories ever.  Special thanks to the wonderful family of Hana for welcoming us and accepting Ashraf into their family.  Best wishes to you both.

All went well, alhamdulillah.  My sister was the happiest and satisfied mom.  Congratulations, sis. The pictures ....

 Syukur alhamdulillah.  May Allah bless us with the best always.......