Showing posts with label Matters of the heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Matters of the heart. Show all posts

Monday, October 8, 2012

The heart says ....

A good weekend spent, though it was tiring.  Had not been able to do this for quite some time already.  Too tired, too lazy.  Fought and wrestled with these feelings.  I won, alhamdulillah! And early Saturday morning, after fajr prayers told adik I wanted to go for brisk-walking.  I had to do it. It's been a while since I last did it.  Had not been feeling well these days.  So off we went.  A two point two kilometer walk.  That should be fine for a start.  It's two rounds around the whole condo area.  Adik jogged but I did simple exercises and brisk-walked.  Enough for me.   And we promised to do another few rounds on Sunday.  Yes, Sunday came and we kept our promises.  And it improved!  We did five rounds, and its five point five kilometers.  It felt so good... Hope it didn't stop at last weekend.  I needed that....badly.

My weekends had so far been so predictable - very much.  Predictable with activities arranged by others.  Words and requests were always an order.  It became a must.   Attending invitations, joining for breakfasts, lunches, dinners, visiting, etc, etc.  Can't even plan anything, it would definitely be spoiled.  Maybe because I was always there, each and every time whenever needed - I hardly say 'no'.  So 'no' cannot be my answer.  I know these are part of a 'family thing' but after a full five days at work, starting as early as 7.30 am and finishes as late as 8.30 pm, all I wanted is a weekend free from commitments,  doing things I love or doing nothing without feeling guilty, without having to find some lame excuses, without constructing unnecessary lies.  Plans after plans made had to be forgotten and put aside.  For someone who all this life had been saying 'yes', a 'no' do affect me.  Seriously, that was what I felt.  I can't help feeling guilty and uneasy.  For so many years, this 'yes' thing went on and on, ignoring what my actual inner-self had always been wanting to do.  Yes, you may ask - can't I find time?  My answer is - no, I can't.  By the time I reached home from work, body and mind dead-tired.  That much I can sum up my feelings.  The voices of my heart keeps screaming - come on, do something, wake up.  I heard it loud and clear.  But these voices died down and all failed.  With this tired body and mind, I succumbed to a very non-productive life.  Each day I woke up feeling scared and disappointed, to the extent of feeling sick.    Mental and physical were fighting with each other.  One wanted to do so much, the other one doesn't even have the energy ..  Seems that synchronization doesn't work anymore! Yes, no one to be blamed except me.  I ignored the voices of my heart.  When I talked to Allah each and every morning, I cried.  He heard me, yes.  And I believed Him.  He gave me those voices which I should hear.   Nonetheless, I am not complaining, Allah had given me the best.  All the above is just part of letting go.  It's all too cramped in my chest.  Painful at times.  It's not doing me any good.

And I am at a crossroad - please Allah help me make the choice, a right one.  I just want a simple life, getting old with less 'headache' or no headache at all!  InsyaAllah....


And someone looked sad this morning.  Hope she feels better now.  Just not the right time to get distracted.  Just be the support and strength, be an inspiration to each other through thick and thin, all'll be fine.  Do not lose focus.  Strive for all the dreams and goals.  And always remember the good times.... the happy times ....


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Second October ....

Happy 17th birthday to my dearest darling Marissa Yasmine.  Born  2nd October 1995 at Pantai Medical Centre, Kuala Lumpur.  She must know how much she meant to me.  She brought the happiness into our life.  I could not have asked for more.  Often I asked myself - where's my little girl?  Why does time flies so fast that this little girl of mine has grown up?  

MY, these years that so quickly fly will take you where your dreams are.  Follow your heart - reach out for your dreams and goals.  You will always be my source of pride and joy, no matter where this life takes you.  

May Allah's guidance and blessings be with you always.... 

With all my love... take care my dear.  Remember, dreams and miracles do come true.  Be strong, remember the promises....


Friday, September 28, 2012

The twenty-eighth .....

Remembering the times and enjoying those moments of life that are utterly simple.  Best moments made the best memories.  Those memories will remain a special photograph taken by the heart to make special moments last forever.  May all your dreams come true and all hopes realized.  Best wishes always on this day.... twenty-eighth.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Wedding - Zaid and Siti

Zaid's wedding reception took place on 16th September 2012 - taking opportunity of a public holiday, i.e. Malaysia Day and that all of us could be there.  22 year-old Zaid is my brother's son.  Reception was held in Kulim, Kedah.  Most of us siblings attended except my sis in Kajang.  I went a day earlier, so did mak, Sharos, Ina, Imi and my other brother.  We stayed at BD, while the others in Kulim itself.  Need to keep my promise to adik hence the reason of our stay in BD.

Being there earlier, we managed to do other things, wedding-related as well as non wedding-related (shopping and finding good food included). 






On the reception day itself, we all gathered at my brother's place before proceeding to the bride's house.  Estimated a 15 minutes drive.  Funny thing we even drove into a wrong turn, no thanks to my brother who led the way.  It was a hindu temple! No wonder the indians there were looking awkwardly at us - a convoy of cars moving their way.  Weird ... And it so happen there was some function going on at the temple the same time.  It was so embarrassing.... The road was very narrow and no..that was not even a road, it was just a small lane bordering a ravine!  We all made the "death-trap" u-turn and found our way to the bride's house.  

Called it ignorance or negligence or unaware whatsoever - we arrived at the venue, handed over the groom to his bride and also the wedding gifts that we brought and headed to the 'vip' tables for our food.  We were all starving by then, of course.  The food was good, real good - cooked kampung-style.  Enjoying our food, we forgot all protocols.  And we only met and introduced ourselves to the mother of the bride so much later.    Stomach full and pictures taken, said goodbyes, and again forgetting the last protocol - we left without bringing back with us the 'hantaran'.  Ouchhh...how come none of us remembered?  Weird...  It must be the good food and the full stomach!


Anyway, we had fun.  It was an interesting reunion for us.  It was never easy to get everyone together especially on an outstation trip.  Alhamdulillah all went well.  


Next one to go into this 'new' life is Ashraf, my eldest sister's son.  His engagement is this coming 30th September.  Good luck, Aboy...  

 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Just another day ....

Was in the office by 7.20 am.  Mengantuk sangat-sangat pagi tadi.  Tapi lawan jugak rasa tu sebab nak settle-kan satu kerja yang dari semalam dok buat.  Yang tak settle-settle tu sebab aku tak boleh balance-kan  figures yang nak submit ke EPF.  Heran sungguh pasai apa figures tu tak balance, sampai malam tadi terbawak-bawak dalam mimpi.  Pekerja mithali - macam tu lah.  Anyway, awal-awal pagi tadi aku start balik buat dari mula.  Pening lah sungguh sebab most figures mencecah 5 or 6 angka.  Banyak tu.  Guna excel calculation tak balance, guna calculator (manually) pun tak balance.  Pelik, pelik sungguh.  I finally found the solution to the problem at around 9-ish.  Haishh...

Had a meeting last night at a friend's place with my BIL and wife.  Aku pi meeting malam-malam?  Weird... Because it was never me.  Nanti lah, aku akan cerita pasai this business in a special posting.  Hahh.. tu dia. Aku  telah menjebakkan diri dalam sesuatu yang sungguh menakutkan. 

Kakak dah start her classes.  She's already into her final year finishing her degree in Chem. Engineering.  Kejap je masa berlalu.    Dia dah tak duduk in campus.  She's now staying with my sister in BK sebab lagi senang berulang alik from there.  Lagipun that's her favourite place and favourite people.  Adik tak lama lagi pun akan tinggalkan aku juga.  Takut nak fikir masa tu.  For now dia lah teman aku - in laughter and tears.  Tapi sejak dia angau and stress with exams, aku kena take back seat kejap.  Sebab dia tak layan pun.  Tu yang kena start buat business tu!  Haishh...jangan cakap pasai business now, rasa trauma pun ada.  Aku belum pun call adik tanya pasal her papers (Physics and Bio 3) today.  Esok Chemistry paper.  Semua hardcore papers, mana dia tak stress.  Ini baru trials, belum real exam lagi.  Hope she's got the feel of it and more calm during real exam nanti.  InsyaAllah...doa banyak-banyak.  Butterflies? Still?  Mhmmm....

"Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it"



Monday, September 10, 2012

Soal hati ....

Wishing all a happy Monday and happy working, be it at office or home.  Those yang duduk rumah kena buat kerja juga kan, walaupun you are your own boss, doing things at your own time.  Owhhh...best nya.  Tak boleh, tak boleh, aku dah jadi jeles - dan tak baik untuk kesihatan minda.  Anyway, how was weekend?  Mine?  Sigh (dalam nada mengeluh).  As usual, a hectic one.  Tapi I had a good get together (open house and barbeque) at my sister's place in TM on Saturday night.  Most of us were there.  Semua ada partner, except aku, Sharos and Imi.  So kami la yang terlebih enjoy.  Aku and Sharos balik pun dah dekat pukul 1 pagi.  Wahhh... nasib baik tak kena halau dek tuan rumah.  I am supposed to upload pictures of the get together.  Tapi now waiting for kakak to send to me.  Kakak, cepat sikit hantar sementara otak masih mengingati details of those moments.  Siap boleh re-cap lagi dengan Imi semalam.  I  will write more of the get together once I get and able to upload the pictures.  Nanti boleh tengok siapa yang terlebih enjoy.

Was in the office not that early walaupun en. hasben kena ada kat Bangi for his golf game.  Di sebabkan dia yang lambat, aku tak le kena leter.  Ok la jugak.  At least tak spoil my morning.  Monday pulak tu.

Adik looked so unhappy bila aku bangun pagi tadi sampai lah when saying goodbye bila hantar dia ke sekolah.  I would like to think that it's because of the Bio paper today.  But it was so hard to comprehend as Biology has always been her favourite.  She will always try not to miss any of the school days yang ada subject Bio.  Deep down I knew it was something else.  Not the right time to feel that way I supposed.  I hope she remembers what I have said this morning.  All of it.  Adik, I am going to add this - and  for you to remember this sampai bila-bila.  You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Oppss...besides kakak (and abang).  Marah la pulak nanti.  Anyway, this is about you.  So I am just going to mention you.  Spending so much time with you, knowing you, seeing you, understanding you - makes me the luckiest mother on earth.  You are the best - and whoever comes into your life and hold your love will be the luckiest one.  Mummy akan selalu doakan the best for you.  Cheer up and concentrate on few more papers to go before the real exam comes.  We will decide later on the plan.  I know you miss him.

"Missing someone - he is the sun in your day, the wind in your sky, the waves in your ocean and the beat in your heart"

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Iklan Raya Bernas 2012 - the best ....

Iklan raya yang sungguh menyentuh perasaan.  Ciri-ciri yang ada pada these two boys are real, bukan lakonan semata-mata.  Sekarang iklan ni dah ada kat TV.  Aku first time tengok kat youtube.  Memang aku menangis sebab sungguh sedih.  Seumur hidup aku ni lah iklan yang betul-betul meruntun jiwa.  Yang tak terasa apa-apa bila menonton iklan ni, sah lah dia memang keras hati. I am amazed, these two boys nampak macam dah lama kenal, tapi sebenarnya they all cuma jumpa first time masa nak buat iklan ni.  Budak-budak memang senang nak click  with each other.  Cuba kita hayati mesej yang disampaikan.


Hari ke 27 kita berpuasa.  Tinggal dua hari lagi insyaallah kita akan mengucapkan selamat tinggal kepada Ramadan.  Memang sedih.  Doaku mudah-mudahan ini bukan Ramadan yang terakhir. Moga diberi kesempatan bertemu lagi dengan Ramadan akan datang.  Di kesempatan ini juga aku mengucapkan Salam Aidilfitri to all.  Mohon maaf atas apa jua keterlanjuran selama ini.  Semoga segala amalan dan ibadah kita diberkati dan diterima Allah swt.  Special wishes goes to all my sisters.  Aku minta maaf dan minta halalkan segala yang termakan, terminum, ter-ambil, tercakap, tersilap kata di sepanjang kita semua membesar.  Semoga Allah swt mempermudahkan perjalanan kita semua.

Dah start cuti sekolah hari ni.  Earlier plan has to be aborted since I am not able to be on leave today.  Opps... aku merajuk dengan adik last night.  No, I am not ungkit-ing.  She must know that.  Whatever I have done for her is because I love her and want her to be happy.  Cuma aku tak boleh tengok orang yang tak boleh handle stress and certain situation in a right way.   While I am still around boleh la aku tegur and advice.  Remember my dear, all advice mesti ambil and sematkan kat hati supaya you know how to deal with situations.  Tak boleh you ok hari ni, esok dah tak ok pulak.  It doesn't work that way.  Anyway, I love you always.... I merajuk sebab I needed someone to talk to when I have too many 'bercelaru' things on my mind.  Kakak sorang tak cukup.  I needed you both...  And no, I am not ungkit-ing.  You must believe a mother's love ..... it's like an island in life's ocean, vast and wide....

"To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart, and the beauty of an aging hand, for it is through their teachings we learn to love"

Monday, August 13, 2012

Lyrics - "I won't give up"

MARISSA YASMINE - THIS IS FOR YOU .....

"I Won't Give Up" (Jason Mraz)       
                                      
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up



Yes, for that someone - you heard her honest answer when I asked her.  For a person who always say the truth, this one thing you have to believe.  It comes from her heart.  You heard it yourself. For you both - appreciate each other and have no doubts and don't let what you think is best slipped away.  All the best.

"Shortest distance between heart is love"

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Again .....

Salam Ramadan dan selamat melayari sepuluh hari terakhir Ramadan.  Kita di fasa terakhir pada bulan penuh barakah ini.  Suasana raya dah terasa.  Lagu-lagu raya mulai dimainkan di radio-radio dan shopping mall, supermarket semua penuh dengan manusia-manusia yang bersemangat nak beraya.  Meriah dan riang ria sungguh.  Ni sepuluh hari sebelum menyambut raya.  Sepuluh hari sebelum menyambut Ramadan, bagaimanakah kita?  Gembira? Meriah?  Gerenti ada yang sedih, risau tak dapat makan minum seperti biasa dan juga nak kena jaga adab-adab susila berpuasa.  Sekadar renungan - tidak kah kita takut ini Ramadan terakhir kita?  Dan hanya tinggal beberapa hari saja lagi yang tinggal untuk kita merebut ganjaran Ramadan yang berlipat ganda.  Kita semua berharap dipertemukan dengan malam Lailatul-Qadar yang hanya berlaku pada satu malam daripada sebulan bulan Ramadan.  Jadikan pencarian ini sebagai motivasi untuk kita berebut dan berlumba-lumba memburu pahala dan ganjaran berlipatganda sebagaimana dijanjikan Allah swt.  Merugilah kita yang luput dari peningkatan ibadah pada hari-hari sepuluh terakhir ini.  Mudah-mudahan Allah mengurniakan kita ketakwaan dan keluarnya kita dari Ramadan nanti dengan beroleh rahmah, keampunan dan selamat dari api neraka.  InsyaAllah...

Ye, panjang tazkirah.  Ini peringatan buat diri aku.  Nak buat assessment Ramadan setakat ini pun takut sebenarnya.  Amidst all the limitations, aku cuma mengharapkan yang terbaik.  

Marissa Yasmine - yes, a date to remember - 08.08.12.  Put in mind all those I have said and advised.  Anyway, nice to see those smiles again. Always be strong.  Whenever your heart feels lonely and sad - close your eyes and remember those precious times.  Dreams do come true...

"Always be true to your heart for dreams are wishes your heart makes"

Friday, July 20, 2012

Life's struggles.....

Wasn't a good day to start with.  Dealing with too many sensitive and emotional people around is not something I wanted to do today.  This is not something I should be doing when I had woken up this morning with head and body aches since I had not been sleeping peacefully and properly since the last many nights.  What more driving for more than two hours yesterday evening in a traffic nightmare.  Leaving me with no choice ... I had to do it.  I could be seen as a failure but I always believe in trying.  Just that I sometimes feel sad when all my life I had been focusing on the well-being and happiness of all those around me.  Never once I thought of my own.  No matter how tired I am, how unwell I feel.  It has always been me who would do the repairs to all damages done - sometimes it worked, sometimes it doesn't.  But Allah knows best.  Allah will always give me the strength, the way to work things out.    That I believe.  He knows I am capable - the reason why He chose me to go through all these.  Amidst the clouds, I am wishing the rainbows shining through finally.  It will be the best gift to start my Ramadan.  Insyaallah...

Somebody misses someone real bad.  She said - yes, ma, rindu sangat.  That was a sincere and honest answer.  I wish they both can breeze through the trying times, the challenges waiting ahead of them. She said this is her first love - her 'true' love.  I believed her. I've told her to be strong no matter what - this is her choice.  I can only advise - managing feelings is all up to her.  She woke up early together with me this morning.  Sejuk hati tengok dia solat, mengaji almost everyday and aku berharap mudah-mudahan amalan ini berkekalan.  And I sincerely hope the person she loves will be the one who will always be her strength, provide her guidance and will forever be her inspiration.  And she said - the one who will take her to Jannah.  Insyaallah...

And here I am wishing for a better day ahead.  

Dan di kesempatan ini aku mengucapkan selamat menyambut Ramadan al-Mubarak, selamat berpuasa dan semoga di Ramadan ini kita mendapat lebih keberkatan dari Allah swt.  Mohon maaf zahir dan batin.

"When Allah loves a people, He makes them endure trials"

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Time flies .....

A day passes.  Time flies so fast.  Sometimes we wish that we can freeze the time, rewind the moments, reconstruct events.  Tapi tu semua mustahil.  Masa berlalu - fullstop.  That's why, make the best of what's given, what's laid down in front of us.  Always wake up to a fresh start, painting life the way we want on that blank canvas.  Having done the best, we can move on with no regrets.  We'd appreciate all lessons in life - turning the negatives into positives and enjoying journey of life and destination.

Talking about time .... Yes, time flies and it's a goodbye for someone today.  The hardest part of any relationship is when it's time to say goodbye.  But always believe, when the hearts are one, distance does not matter. They have made a big impact on each other's life, hope they'll remain strong.  Remember the good times, the best moments and look forward to the next ones.  I wish the best for all these wonderful people. 

"No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, 
the dreams that you wish will come true"

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Cerita cinta ....

Syukur alhamdulillah for another day of our life.  Trying so hard to be as 'sihat' as possible this morning as I have got to be at work.  Big boss is travelling to Germany tomorrow.  Had to see all travelling pack finalized.   And also uploading meeting packs into his MacBook.  Unable to do that yesterday due to some wi-fi problem plus receiving some revised papers to be uploaded last minute.  En. hubby came back last night with bout of fever and food poisoning.  He was in and out of washroom so, so many times last night.  Aku tak boleh tidor sampai pagi.  4.30 kejut adik for tahajjud.  Aku tak boleh nak bergerak pun - pening sungguh - kepala macam nak pecah.  Had to drag my feet off the tempat tidor memikirkan kena hantar adik ke sekolah, kena pergi kerja, hantar kakak ke tempat kerja.  And plus hantar en. hubby ke rumah MIL.  Mana boleh duduk rumah sorang-sorang demam macam tu.  Anyway, already at work by 7.55 am (lambat tu).  Hopefully my headache will be gone in no time sebab aku banyak kerja.  Can't afford to be sick at this point.  

Some love story.... asked him last night "how does it feel falling in love?"  He gave me an innocent and most correct answer - "undescribe-able".  Yes, I totally agreed.  How can you describe your feelings when you are in love?  You could never.  You could never be able to describe in words all the nice things you felt.  Yes, the feelings are undescribe-able and that is the best answer.  Her answer?  "It's a fairy-tale".  It is for her.  He is always with plans for wonderful surprises.  He is a good person.  She has always dreamed for a good person to come into her life.  For you both - take care of each other's feelings and remember you both have dreams to pursue - too many dreams.  My best wishes always.

"Wherever your dreams take you, wherever your heart longs to be - when you finally found the place, you will find all that you need "

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Emotional .....

Wonder how my mornings and my days would be without them... The flurry of activities since very early morning till the time we left the house.  The laughs, the stories for the day before we retire for the night.  Haishh.. takut aku nak fikir.  Bad enough abang is no longer together as he is now staying with my in-laws.  Walaupun I see him everyday and he calls everyday, tapi the feeling  is different.  I miss him around the house.  But this is one of the feelings I had to let go.  Reason is datuk and nenny alone saja kat rumah, kesian dia orang...sunyi.  And soon aku pun akan jadi macam tu...  Scary nya..  Dulu-dulu bila fikir letihnya nak manage anak-anak masa dia orang kecil, I used to say someday when they are grown - I don't have to do this, do that anymore.  Aku boleh relax, boleh have a time which I can call my own.  Just to calm down my tired mind and body. 

Now it is no longer this SOMEDAY I am looking forward - I sometimes wish they are  still the babies I cradled, I cuddled every night.  They are still the kids making lots of noises around the house, the kids making messes out of all the things they touched, the kids who listened attentively to the 'weird' bedtime stories which I usually made up before they go to sleep, the kids who laughed with me and the kids who dry my tears in my times of sadness.  I do not like this SOMEDAY anymore ... I will  be looking back and finding the YESTERDAY... and missing it.  And wishing this SOMEDAY never come and YESTERDAY never left....  

"Cherishing the yesterdays, living for today and dreaming for tomorrows" 


Note:   It was abang's 24th birthday yesterday.  Happy birthday my dearest.  May you be blessed with happiness and success, dunia dan akhirat.  And a big thank you for being the best.  I love you very much.... Hope you like the birthday gift.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Worth sharing .....


Cleaning my mailbox, came across this forwarded mail.  I thought it is worth sharing. Saja nak bersedihan pagi-pagi ni.  Tapi sesungguhnya hati memang tersentuh bila membaca, inilah realiti kehidupan.  Mudah-mudahan kita dilindungi Allah swt dari dosa dan kelalaian seumpama ini.  Hargailah ibu bapa sementara mereka masih ada.....


MANA MAK???

Jam 6.30 petang.
Mak  berdiri di depan pintu. Wajah Mak kelihatan resah. Mak tunggu adik bungsu balik dari sekolah agama.
Ayah baru balik dari sawah.
Ayah tanya Mak, “Along mana?’
Mak jawab, “Ada di dapur tolong siapkan makan.”
Ayah tanya Mak lagi,” Angah mana?”
Mak jawab, “Angah mandi, baru balik main bola.”
Ayah tanya Mak, “Ateh mana?”
Mak jawab, “Ateh, Kak Cik tengok tv dengan Alang di dalam?”
Ayah tanya lagi, “Adik dah balik?”
Mak jawab, “Belum. Patutnya dah balik. Basikal adik rosak kot. Kejap lagi kalau tak balik juga jom kita pergi cari Adik.”
Mak jawab soalan ayah penuh yakin. Tiap-tiap hari ayah tanya soalan yang sama. Mak jawab penuh perhatian. Mak ambil berat di mana anak-anak Mak dan bagaimana keadaan anak-anak Mak setiap masa dan setiap ketika.

Dua puluh tahun kemudian
Jam 6.30 petang
Ayah balik ke rumah. Baju ayah basah. Hujan turun sejak tengahari.
Ayah tanya Along, “Mana Mak?”
Along sedang membelek-belek baju barunya.  Along jawab, “Tak tahu.”
Ayah tanya Angah, “Mana Mak?”
Angah  menonton tv.  Angah jawab, “Mana Angah tahu.”
Ayah tanya Ateh, “Mana Mak?”
Ayah menunggu lama jawapan dari Ateh  yang  asyik membaca majalah.  
 Ayah tanya Ateh lagi, "Mana Mak?"  Ateh  menjawab, “Entah.” 
Ateh terus membaca majalah tanpa menoleh kepada Ayah.
Ayah tanya Alang, “Mana Mak?”
Alang tidak jawab. Alang hanya mengoncang bahu tanda tidak tahu.
Ayah tidak mahu tanya Kak Cik dan Adik yang sedang melayan facebook. Ayah tahu yang Ayah tidak akan dapat jawapan yang ayah mahu.
Tidak ada siapa tahu di mana Mak. Tidak ada siapa merasa ingin tahu di mana Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak tidak pada Mak. Hanya mata dan hati Ayah yang mencari-cari di mana Mak.
Tidak ada anak-anak Mak yang tahu setiap kali ayah bertanya, "Mana Mak?"
Tiba-tiba adik bungsu bersuara, “Mak ni dah senja-senja pun merayap lagi. Tak reti nak balik!!”
Tersentap hati Ayah mendengar  kata-kata Adik. 
Dulu anak-anak Mak akan berlari mendakap Mak apabila balik dari sekolah. Mereka akan tanya "Mana Mak?" apabila Mak tidak menunggu mereka di depan pintu.
Mereka akan tanya, "Mana Mak." apabila dapat nombor 1 atau kaki melecet main bola di padang sekolah.  Mak  resah apabila anak-anak Mak lambat balik. Mak  mahu tahu di mana semua anak-anaknya berada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika.
Sekarang anak-anak sudah besar. Sudah lama anak-anak Mak tidak bertanya 'Mana Mak?"  
Semakin anak-anak  Mak besar, soalan "Mana Mak?" semakin hilang dari bibir anak-anak Mak . Ayah berdiri di depan pintu menunggu Mak. Ayah resah menunggu Mak kerana sudah senja sebegini Mak masih belum balik. Ayah risau kerana sejak akhir-akhir ini Mak selalu mengadu sakit lutut.
Dari jauh kelihatan sosok Mak berjalan  memakai payung yang sudah uzur. Besi-besi payung tercacak keluar dari kainnya. Hujan masih belum berhenti. Mak menjinjit dua bungkusan plastik. Sudah kebiasaan  bagi Mak, Mak akan bawa sesuatu untuk anak-anak Mak apabila pulang dari berjalan.  
Sampai di halaman rumah Mak berhenti di depan deretan kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak buangkan daun-daun yang mengotori kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak usap bahagian depan kereta Ateh perlahan-lahan. Mak rasakan seperti mengusap kepala Ateh waktu Ateh kecil. Mak senyum. Kedua bibir Mak diketap repat. Senyum tertahan, hanya Ayah yang faham. Sekarang Mak tidak dapat lagi merasa mengusap kepala anak-anak seperti masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka sudah besar. Mak takut anak Mak akan menepis tangan Mak kalau Mak  lakukannya.
Lima buah kereta milik anak-anak Mak berdiri megah. Kereta Ateh paling gah. Mak tidak tahu pun apa kehebatan kereta Ateh itu. Mak cuma suka warnanya. Kereta warna merah bata, warna kesukaan Mak. Mak belum merasa naik kereta anak Mak yang ini.
Baju mak basah kena hujan. Ayah tutupkan payung mak. Mak bagi salam. Salam Mak tidak berjawab. Terketar-ketar lutut Mak melangkah anak tangga. Ayah pimpin Mak masuk ke rumah. Lutut Mak sakit lagi. 
Mak letakkan  bungkusan di atas meja. Sebungkus rebung dan sebungkus  kueh koci pemberian Mak Uda untuk anak-anak Mak. Mak Uda tahu anak-anak Mak suka makan kueh koci dan Mak malu untuk meminta untuk bawa balik. Namun raut wajah Mak sudah cukup membuat Mak Uda  faham. 
Semasa menerima bungkusan kueh koci dari Mak Uda tadi, Mak  sempat berkata kepada Mak Uda, "Wah berebutlah budak-budak tu nanti nampak kueh koci kamu ni."
Sekurang-kurangnya itulah bayangan Mak. Mak bayangkan anak-anak Mak sedang gembira menikmati kueh koci sebagimana masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka berebut dan Mak jadi hakim pembuat keputusan muktamat. Sering kali Mak akan beri bahagian Mak supaya anak-anak Mak puas makan. Bayangan itu sering singgah di kepala Mak.
Ayah suruh Mak tukar baju yang basah itu. Mak akur.
Selepas Mak tukar baju, Ayah iring Mak ke dapur.  Mak ajak anak-anak Mak makan kueh koci. Tidak seorang pun yang menoleh kepada Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak sudah bukan pada Mak lagi. 
Mak hanya tunduk, akur dengan keadaan. 
Ayah tahu Mak sudah tidak boleh mengharapkan anak-anak melompat-lompat gembira  dan  berlari mendakapnya seperti dulu. 
Ayah temankan Mak makan. Mak menyuap nasi perlahan-lahan, masih mengharapkan anak-anak Mak akan makan bersama. Setiap hari Mak berharap begitu. Hanya Ayah yang duduk bersama Mak di meja makan  setiap malam.
Ayah tahu Mak penat sebab berjalan jauh. Siang tadi Mak pergi ke rumah Mak Uda di kampung seberang untuk mencari rebung. Mak hendak  masak rebung masak lemak cili api dengan ikan masin kesukaan anak-anak Mak. 
Ayah tanya Mak kenapa Mak tidak telepon suruh anak-anak jemput. Mak jawab, "Saya dah suruh Uda telepon budak-budak ni tadi. Tapi Uda kata semua tak  berangkat." 
Mak  minta Mak Uda telepon anak-anak yang Mak tidak boleh berjalan  balik sebab hujan. Lutut Mak akan sakit kalau sejuk. Ada sedikit harapan di hati Mak agar salah seorang anak Mak akan menjemput Mak dengan kereta.  Mak teringin kalau Ateh yang datang menjemput Mak dengan kereta barunya. Tidak ada siapa yang datang jemput Mak. 
Mak tahu anak-anak mak tidak sedar telepon berbunyi. Mak  ingat kata-kata ayah, “Kita tak usah susahkan anak-anak. Selagi kita mampu kita buat saja sendiri apa-apa pun.  Mereka ada kehidupan masing-masing. Tak payah sedih-sedih. Maafkan sajalah anak-anak kita. Tak apalah kalau tak merasa  menaiki kereta mereka sekarang. Nanti kalau kita mati kita masih ada peluang  merasa anak-anak   mengangkat kita kat bahu mereka.” Mak faham buah hati Mak semua sudah besar. Along dan Angah sudah beristeri. Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik masing-masing sudah punya buah hati sendiri yang sudah mengambil tempat Mak di hati anak-anak Mak. 
Pada suapan terakhir, setitik air mata Mak jatuh ke pinggan. 
Kueh koci masih belum diusik oleh anak-anak Mak.

Beberapa tahun kemudian
Mak Uda tanya  Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik, “Mana mak?”.
Hanya Adik yang jawab, “Mak dah tak ada.” 
Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik tidak sempat melihat Mak waktu Mak sakit. 
Kini Mak sudah berada di sisi Tuhannya bukan di sisi anak-anak Mak lagi. 
Dalam isakan tangis, Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik menerpa kubur Mak.  Hanya batu nisan yang berdiri terpacak. Batu nisan Mak tidak boleh bersuara. Batu nisan tidak ada tangan macam tangan Mak yang selalu memeluk erat anak-anaknya apabila anak-anak datang menerpa  Mak semasa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu.
Mak pergi semasa Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik berada jauh di bandar. Kata Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik mereka tidak dengar handphone berbunyi semasa ayah telefon untuk beritahu mak sakit tenat.  
Mak faham, mata dan telinga anak-anak Mak adalah untuk orang lain bukan untuk Mak.
Hati anak-anak Mak bukan milik Mak lagi. Hanya hati Mak yang tidak pernah diberikan kepada sesiapa, hanya untuk anak-anak Mak.. 
Mak tidak sempat merasa diangkat di atas bahu anak-anak Mak. Hanya bahu ayah yang sempat mengangkat jenazah Mak dalam hujan renyai.
Ayah sedih sebab tiada lagi suara Mak yang akan menjawab soalan Ayah,
"Mana Along?" , "Mana Angah?", "Mana Ateh?", "Mana Alang?", "Mana Kak Cik?" atau "Mana Adik?".  Hanya Mak saja yang rajin menjawab soalan ayah itu dan jawapan Mak memang tidak pernah silap. Mak sentiasa yakin dengan jawapannya sebab mak ambil tahu di mana anak-anaknya berada pada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika. Anak-anak Mak sentiasa di hati Mak tetapi hati anak-anak Mak ada orang lain yang mengisinya.
Ayah sedih. Di tepi kubur Mak, Ayah bermonolog sendiri, "Mulai hari ini  tidak perlu bertanya lagi kepada Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik , "Mana mak?" "
Kereta merah Ateh bergerak perlahan membawa Ayah pulang. Along, Angah, Alang dan Adik mengikut dari belakang. Hati ayah hancur teringat hajat Mak untuk naik kereta merah Ateh tidak kesampaian. Ayah terbayang kata-kata Mak malam itu, "Cantiknya kereta Ateh, kan Bang? Besok-besok Ateh bawalah kita jalan-jalan kat Kuala Lumpur tu. Saya akan buat kueh koci buat bekal."
"Ayah, ayah....bangun." Suara Ateh memanggil ayah. Ayah pengsan sewaktu turun dari kereta Ateh.. 
Terketar-ketar ayah bersuara, "Mana Mak?"    
Ayah  tidak mampu berhenti menanya soalan itu. Sudah 10 tahun Mak pergi namun soalan "Mana Mak?"  masih sering keluar dari mulut Ayah sehingga ke akhir usia. 

Sebuah cerita pendek buat tatapan anak-anak yang kadang-kadang lupa perasaan ibu.  Kata orang hidup seorang ibu waktu muda dilambung resah, apabila tua dilambung rasa.  Kata Rasulullah saw. ibu 3 kali lebih utama dari ayah. Bayangkanlah berapa kali ibu lebih utama dari isteri, pekerjaan dan anak-anak sebenarnya. Solat sunat pun Allah suruh berhenti apabila ibu memanggil.  Berapa kerapkah kita membiarkan deringan telefon panggilan dari ibu tanpa berjawab?